Category Archives: Doormanning

Gaddafi vs. Tampons vs. Doormen.

As we all learned during the sadomasochism unit of middle school sex-ed, whiplash is a very serious condition. As a concerned idiot with access to the internet, I worry that we may soon be suffering from societal whiplash, so quickly … Continue reading

Posted in Doormanning, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A gold digger’s cover letter to rich ladies

To the Women it May Concern: My interest in applying to be your trophy husband is informed by a personal passion for a luxurious lifestyle, your reputation as a wealthy individual, and my biological impulses towards reproduction. While admittedly I … Continue reading

Posted in Doormanning | 6 Comments

The weird world of professional ogling

I give my my brother credit. He is the only person I know who can manage to take a conversation about baseball, devolve it into an erudite and all together abstract conversation of numbers and philosophical stances, and keep it … Continue reading

Posted in Doormanning | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The George Washington Carver of Doormen

Listen.  We don’t hate our jobs. Doormen may not make the money of an investment banker, but our jobs spill over into our regular work week with less frequency, our work environments are not rigid and high-pressured, and while we … Continue reading

Posted in Doormanning, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Kathie Lee, A tenant

One of my favorite tenants is Kathie Lee, so named because like Kathie Lee she is my morning talk show, and also like Regis’ shriller half, consistently a day behind on the news. See, Kathie lee engages in the most … Continue reading

Posted in Doormanning | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Revenge of the Doorman!

Ah revenge! Sweet and petty revenge!  How lovely it is to take you out of my front pocket and secretly pet your silken fur.  Shh, shh, our little secret, my gentle, gentle revenge. I have not snapped, no, not crazy … Continue reading

Posted in Doormanning | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

When life gives you ukeleles…

It is pretty well-known what to do when you are given lemons.  We as a civilization have figured it out, clever, violent beasts that we are: you make lemonade.  It is, I think, a fine piece of wisdom.  One uses … Continue reading

Posted in Doormanning | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments